Having sex for the first time is scary, but it doesn’t have to be a painful nightmare. If it’s your first time bottoming, here’s the ultimate guide covering all the essential points about bottoming.
Generally, when talking about lesbian or gay sex, most people ask, “Who is the top or bottom?”
However, many fail to understand that this question of who does the penetration is not the only factor affecting the participants’ decision of who does what. While it’s often prevalent in anal sex, it’s also about power dynamics and is not only for queer relationships. In fact, the NIH states that 36% of women and 44% of men in a heterosexual relationships enjoy anal sex.
Yes, bottoming is common in the gay men community, but note that it can also apply to anyone on the receiving end during sex. In gay men’s terms, the bottom is the receiver of pleasure stimulated from the anus, whether through fingering, oral sex, and penetration with penises or dildos. This article will help you understand gay sex, bottoms, and safe bottoming.
Gay Sex Basics: Bedroom Roles
There are three ways a gay man can describe his role in the bedroom. He can be a top, bottom, or verse.
Tops are the dominants that usually penetrate, control, and lead the sex. However, there are also service tops who still do the penetration but receive and follow commands from their partner.
Verse, or Versatiles, on the other hand, is also known as a switch. It’s the partner that equally finds both positions and power dynamics exciting and pleasurable.
Then, What Are Bottoms?
Bottoms are those that get penetrated during anal intercourse. Bottoms or submissives generally obey their tops and relinquish control.
Here’s how you can tell you’re a bottom: You prefer bending over and being penetrated from your anus more than doing the penetration.
The 8 Main Types of Bottoms
There are many types of bottoms that you may encounter in a relationship, and these types will help you distinguish what kind of bottom you are.
The Dead Fish
As funny as it may sound, there’s a type of bottom called ‘The Dead Fish.” This bottom is considered to be the most selfish of them all. They do not contribute to any acts and mostly lie down on their stomachs or backs. The tops mostly do all the work and find the proper position to penetrate while moving the bottom around.
The Ass-Of-Steel Bottom
These bottoms are gym rats that take a lot of steroids. They are after the jacked-up aesthetic. Tops say that when doing these bottoms feel like having sex with two giant rocks. There’s still pleasure, minus the jiggling.
The Flexible Bottom
Bottoms like these are involved in dancing or athletics. They have stronger legs and high stamina or adrenaline. These bottoms are so flexible that they can stretch, spread and lift their legs for the tops to have more access. Tops like these bottoms because they can easily fold them to the positions they want with no complaints.
The Insatiable Bottom
“Can we go another round?”
Insatiable bottoms need tops with high sex drives and even higher endurance. These bottoms don’t seem to run out of energy, and they keep asking their tops to keep going.
The Hairy Bottom
Some tops prefer their bottom to be clean-shaven, but some also like the allure of the natural body. Hairy bottoms, as the name suggests, are those who keep their body hair, like gay otters and bears.
The Power Bottom
Think of the top’s dominance and the submissive’s physical role — that’s what a power bottom is. Power bottoms lead, do the work, and get penetrated. These bottoms do the thrusting and choose the pace and positions.
They are mostly muscular people with thick thighs and large bums. But they can also be lean guys who know how to run the show.
The “Go Harder” Bottom
These types of the bottom like to shout, “Harder!” — a request every top must fulfill. These bottoms may get their partner panting for his life as he tries to plow deeper.
The Vocal Bottom
Vocal bottoms are best for tops who always want to know if they’re doing things right or are pleasuring their partners. These bottoms pant and moan loudly and are great at dirty talk.
What Tops Want You to Know About Bottoming
Although this article is for those who want to bottom, it’ll do you good to know what your top is thinking about. It will enhance your connection and, thus, result in better sex.
- Topping Is Not Equal to Penetrating
Tops can do activities that don’t require penetration, such as frotting and spanking, which doesn’t diminish their role. Some tops also prefer to use their tongue or fingers more. It’s not always about their front appendage.
There are also tops, such as trans men, who may not have a penis, and that’s okay. However, if you want penetration sex, try using a pair of silicone penis pants.
- Tops Can Be Verses
Because they know how much pleasure they can give their bottoms, tops are curious about what the feeling will be like for them. So, some tops don’t mind getting penetrated.
- There Is No One Body Type For Tops
When people think of a “top,” they may imagine a burly man with a great length. However, that is not always the case. Anyone can be a top, no matter what their body type is.
But there’s also nothing wrong with tops wanting to change their bodies. An easy way to do so is by wearing a muscle suit during intercourse.
- Tops Have Feelings Too
Although tops usually lead and care for their bottoms, you should also consider your top’s feelings. See if they are comfortable and ensure a clear understanding of your relationship with your top. Some tops prefer to have an emotional connection with their partners because it makes the sex better.
Communicate your doubts and worries, and always make safety your top priority.
Why Men Prefer Bottoming
The answer can be condensed into one word: prostrate. The sensation a man feels when his prostrate is hit (or repeatedly pounded) is something that can’t be described in just words.
The prostate is a walnut-sized bundle of nerves located 2 inches from the anus and below the bladder. It’s also known as the male G spot.
Someone can bottom even if they’re not sure of their sexuality. There are also instances when straight men are curious as to what the feeling will be, so they do it out of novelty.
Here are more reasons to bottom:
- It’s a new way to learn about the body, especially what’s pleasurable.
- Massaging the prostate at least once a month reduces the risk of getting prostate cancer.
- It helps straight men understand their gay and bi friends or relatives.
- Exploring butt play improves our knowledge of the human anatomy and be better at giving anal.
- Ass play gives men better, longer, and more satisfying orgasms.
- Straight men can be more open to new adventures, such as having women penetrate them.
Gay men who plan to bottom for the first time can’t just show up and let their partner penetrate them. It’s vital to know that there is a method and process first-time bottoms need to know and do to ensure the sex is pleasurable and safe.
Newbies should expect their first time to be uncomfortable. So it’s not advisable to choose rough sex to pop your cherry. It’s best to research and clean your anus, then get used to the feeling of something being inside you through toys like dildos and butt plugs. Once you get used to the feeling and find your prostate, you’ll get why many gay men like bottoming.
It’s also essential to ensure that your partner is clean and always uses condoms during intercourse. All kinds of sex involve the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases like HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. So you need to learn and practice safe sex.
The most important rule to ensure safe bottoming is to be knowledgeable about the activity. Whether you’re having vanilla or BDSM, communication with yourself and your partner is essential.
Before bottoming, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I like bottoming?
- Do my partner and I both feel aroused?
- Does my top know I want to bottom?
- Does my partner know the act or position I want to try?
The Key Steps to Safe Bottoming
- The first initial insertion will surely hurt. Practicing masturbation with fingers or sex toys will help you to see if you like how it feels or not.
- Before insertion, lather your finger or (small) toy with lube to ease the initial pain. Remember that oil-based lubes are not recommended when using latex condoms.
- Put the item inside for up to 3-5 seconds as you breathe in and out.
- When doing this self-bottoming exercise, ensure you are aroused. Because otherwise, you’ll focus on the pain instead.
- Gradually work your way to a full-sized dildo or penis.
Here are more tips for a pleasurable bottoming experience:
- The positions you choose should be based on your comfort. It should also be within your control.
- Clean yourself out before sex. Carefully douch your holes using a shower head.
- Besides good hygiene, diet also plays an integral part in gay sex. Consume fiber as it promotes an excellent bowel system. Avoid fatty, greasy, and spicy food that might upset your stomach.