How to Host a Fetish-Themed Party


How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyWelcome to Smitizen where we talk about gay men, gay sex, and fetishes. Wondering about how to host your first fetish party? Then this piece is for you. Hosting a fetish party can be one of the best ways to take a full-on deep dive into exploring sex as a gay man and relating with members of the gay community you would ordinarily just stay acquainted with. Whether you’re looking to pick a location in a studio apartment or a warehouse the idea should be hosting a sex party you’ll have control over. We’re going to be leading you through how to host a fetish party that’s welcoming and fun for your intended guest. Talking about things from who to invite, what guests should expect from you, and how to wrap it all up in fun and cums.



What happens at a fetish-themed party?

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyThe short answer is everything fetish-related happens. And the long answer? Let’s get into that. The first things that should easily come to mind when you hear of gay fetish events are gay sex, orgasms, and BDSM. The guest list goes from newbie gay men lucky enough to be invited to experienced sex partygoers. From cute make-out sessions to cock sucking and rolling out the whips and chains for fetish play and BDSM. There is no ground rule of what specifically to expect even with a theme in place. Not all fetish parties have to start and end with steamy scenes. Most times that idea is influenced by the gay porn industry and pre-recorded orgy scenes you’ll see on various porno sites. There’s no need to dive in the heat right from the start.

At a fetish event/party you should expect to see:

  • Corners that are reserved for specific activities; BDSM, conversations, snacks, playing with toys… and so on.
  • A party outline. That way nobody is lost on what happens and what to expect and most especially everyone knows when to up and leave.

Typically, the first hour or two of the party is set out as time to mingle with other gay men. Interact and get to know the partners you’ll potentially be pairing with.

Who should be invited?

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyParties are only as good as the guests that are invited. The right vibe you should look forward to among guests is “open-minded and fun”. When choosing to host gay men in your space or chosen location, you have to create a safe sexual environment and aim for the satisfaction of your guests. So, who you invite shouldn’t just be anyone at all who shows an interest? The first rule is to always keep the invitation within your network or a trusted social circle.

Gay fetish party Invitation Do’s

Gay Fetish Party Invitation Don’ts

  • How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyNever invite strangers; in person or via social media
  • Stay clear of gay men who do not believe in seeking consent.
  • Do not invite anyone who doesn’t know the invitation is for a sex party.

The bottom line is, to keep the link short. A friend of a friend or your friend and everyone else who comfortably falls within that range. Sadly, situations beyond your control as a host can arise. Issues about violated consent, a person’s questionable STI status can arise, or inviting someone who isn’t well-liked may cause discomfort among other guests. As a host, it is expected of you to put certain things in check before the fetish party is held.

What should guests expect from you?

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyThe most basic expectation would be a safe sex environment. No one wants to end up contracting an STI from a situation that could have been easily checked. So, guests should expect an already carried-out check on the STI status of guests. Then, condoms, gloves, and lubes should be provided. Items such as wipes, towels, soaps, a functional bathroom, and many other sanitary items should be put in place for comfort and ease in transition between activities.  If specific fetishes have been decided on then these items should be provided and those can range from whips, mouth gags, cuffs, fetish tables and chairs, ropes, and many more.

Responsibilities to be assigned

With every gathering of men, things can easily get rough or go south, and in the end, the event loses the purpose of fun that was intended. The host must put measures in place to control and maintain order.

  • Appoint a caddy. This can be done right at the beginning of the fetish party or beforehand. A caddy is a gay man appointed to fetch things for the guests during the fetish party.
  • Subtle security should also be put in place. One or two buff guys can join in the fun but know to step up to resolve issues when they arise.

Snack options

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyWhat’s a gay fetish party without food? Fetish parties aren’t done convention style. They are more intimate and a snack table is always an important attraction. Sometimes it can even serve as a fetish of its own. With snack items like melted chocolate and whipped cream, there’s room for so much sexual creativity. From licking food off a partner to sucking it off another’s cock. But do not just limit it to sexy-looking food only. A couple of activities can make your guests hungry after a while. Stuck up on party food. I always like to have candied ginger at sex parties. Pizza, sandwiches, and anything good you can think of. A simple poll before the event can do the trick too. Let the people pick and guests can come in with snacks of their choice too. It should be expected that there would be drinking at some point so that should be put into consideration too.

How to know when to do what

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyNo one’s going to blow a whistle and yell “Ready set, go”. The party will just flow. In most cases, the host or an appointed guest leads the way. A typical start is for guests to mingle, chat, and snack if they choose to then guys and their partners just get right to business. From a few kisses to blowjobs and hardcore sex. It wouldn’t be a smooth transition like you would see in porn movies. Sex doesn’t work that way but, in the end, everyone just ends up doing what they need to. Before the moans and orgasms, there would be smiles, hugs, and laughs. Consider it as a vital process to break the ice and calm the tension that might exist. The most effective way is to have a program. Have a guide who directs the events and attends to needs.

Rules and Regulations guests should follow

How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyIf your guest list is filled with frequent fetish partygoers, gay daddies, doms, subs, puppy play lovers, and everything to spice the fetish experience then you should have a lot of control to do. The concern comes with the newbies. But these are general guidelines for establishing rules for guests to follow when attending a fetish party. Make it clear on your stance on drug use; no drugs, no Coke but alcohol is allowed, as a host you should make that clear so guests know what goes or is against the party guidelines. Beyond that the general guidelines to follow as a guest include

  • Guests should treat each other with respect.
  • No excessive drug or alcohol use as this can lead to the rise of issues of consent and impaired ejaculation when needed.
  • Any form of violence sends the guests involved out of the venue
  • Pairs should accept when consent is withdrawn
  • Do not show up with a “plus one” who wasn’t invited
  • How to Host a Fetish-Themed PartyGuests should not intentionally put anyone in any form of hurt or sexual harm
  • No pictures, videos, or recordings of any kind

More rules can be better suited and created to fit the scene and environment.

A little talk on the Dress Code

Ordinarily, it’d be cool to just watch a bunch of sexy naked gay men walk around and have sex but that isn’t the case. Smitizen MaskEveryone dresses casually on their way to the event. But things seem to always switch up when they get to the venue. That’s when you see the short shorts, tank tops, harnesses, fetish hoods, jockstraps, and many more fetish gear that would serve as the order of the day. Whether there’s a specific theme for the party or not, what guests wear to a fetish party has to be sexy and enticing to the eyes. From leather to latex, BDSM gear will always find its way to the top of the dress code pyramid.

Knowing when to end the fun

smitizen masksEnding it, all is only an issue when your fetish party is a hit. That’s when guests just want to keep on going and going till they reach their limit. Other than that, a flop party would have people signing out before the party is considered over.  Depending on the organization, there can be a roundup timer setup. Close to the said time reminders can be announced because someone might just be starting to engage in something new. Announcements will work just fine.


Smitizen kinksA fetish party can be a great and fun activity, even one that can be enjoyed with your partner. It is an experience every gay man should add to their sex bucket list at least once. As a first-time host, be intentional about what you want to happen and how you want it to go. Don’t throw an average gay party and expect the fetish aspect to creep in. This is real life and that’s not how things work.  You should ensure that everyone knows what they’re signing up for. For the experimental newbies in their gay journey, it is always best to attend fetish parties with an open mind. Expect nothing and everything. If you’re clueless about what to wear you can check out our collection of harnesses, hoods, and other fetish gear that pair well on