Is monogamy different in the LGBTQ+ Community? Know the answer and more by reading through our article.
Many societies follow monogamous relationships. A monogamous marriage and relationship oblige a person to have only one partner. Monogamy is held up as the ideal for most human societies as a way to pave civilization and prevent widespread sexually transmitted infections since couples have sex with just one partner.
When common people envision LGBTQ+ relationships, monogamy is the last thing they have in mind. Gay men are often associated with hypersexuality and often have multiple other partners. It’s a common misconception that gay men aren’t interested in or capable of sustaining monogamous partnerships.
However, you will be shocked to see that a percentage of married men choose monogamy over other relationship structures. This article explores the definition of monogamy and why other gay men would favor it.
Defining Monogamy: What Is a Monogamous Relationship?
One word describes monogamy: exclusivity. When you’re dating someone exclusively and vice versa, then you are in a monogamous relationship. This type of connection is perfect for individuals looking for a romantic partner who is committed to the possibility of being in a serious relationship. In the long run, people in monogamous relationships learn more about each other through time and experience and are more likely to stay together.
Monogamy can refer to relationships dedicated to both emotional and physical satisfaction.
Monogamous Relationships for Future Generations’ Survival
Humans are generally a socially monogamous species today, but did you know that this has only been the case 1,000 years prior? Scientists from the University College London believe that the monogamous mating system only happened because of males’ intention to save their infants from other ancestral groups who want to mate with these infants’ mothers.
In accordance with this, human societies prefer only one mate and preach sexual fidelity to encourage marriage systems. The spread of Christianity further evidences this.
Is Monogamy the Same for the LGBTQ+ Community?
Monogamy can also be referred to as a long-term relationship, exclusive partnership, or marriage. Monogamous marriages are not only for straight people; having only one partner is the usual, no matter the individual’s sexual orientation.
Unlike old myths you may have heard before, queer people also want to be in monogamous relationships. According to data, around 70% of married couples are committed, monogamists. I feel like there’s this stigma attached to wanting a monogamous relationship, especially on the coasts and in the major cities.
They may seem uncommon, yet in reality, they’re pretty typical. This choice depends on many factors connected to preferences, beliefs, and upbringing.
Reasons for Monogamy: Why Should I Be Monogamous?
Did you know that younger gay couples tend to prefer monogamy more than their older counterparts? Comparative studies involving standard cross cultural sample have claimed these findings.
From the findings, 86% of married and 14% of unmarried participants reported being monogamous. While 90% of those unmarried reported being interested only in monogamy.
There are many reasons why people choose to have just one partner. Some of them are as follows:
Monogamous couples are more confident in their relationship as they foster trust and cultivate deep affection with each other. Being sexually exclusive or deciding to be tied to each other (whether with sexual connection or not) is one of the successful mating strategies to encourage participants to stay, grow, and explore the relationship together. This partnership leads to stable correspondence where the partners offer support through life challenges.
2. Sense of Security
It’s possible that envy and competitiveness among sex partners are two of the stresses that monogamy can alleviate. There may need to be more justification for picking a particular type of relationship. Those strains, for instance, may follow you into either monogamous or non-monogamous relationships. Learning more about your jealousy might help you examine your values and standards.
Hence, there is a greater sense of security in monogamy as compared to open relationships.
Social monogamy, where two individuals live, have sex, and hold up each other through daily survival, stimulates feelings of worthiness. An individual will feel like he matters, at least to someone else, and their existence is important.
Remember, however, that self-validation is still the most important skill you should have.
4. Effective Communication
People in monogamy improve their communication skills as they often talk, negotiate, and relay their feelings to each other. They learn how to navigate their significant other’s mood and deliver their thoughts in an understandable manner that avoids fighting.
5. Better Sex
Ask anyone in a happy long-term relationship how their bedroom shenanigans are better executed. (Only if they’re comfortable, of course.) The knowledge that you’re exclusively in a relationship with someone you’re physically, mentally, and emotionally compatible with makes sex special. Some men have reported that sex can be physically better with someone unfamiliar, but it will never be as enjoyable with someone you dedicated yourself to.
Additionally, for those in the LGBTQ+ sphere, recognizing you’re with someone you have a deep relationship with keeps the mind at ease because that person already knows your kinks and preferences.
Is Your Partner Ready for a Monogamous Relationship?
Are you in an unlabelled relationship? One where you’re not sure if you see each other exclusively or if you have the right to be angry when they meet other people?
The easiest way to know if you’re partner is ready for monogamy is to ask them directly. A great tip is to ask them casually but also in a way where they know you’re serious about it. Asking it in a joking or critiquing manner is a no-go.
Signs That Your Partner Isn’t Into Monogamy
Not sure whether to ask your partner to engage in monogamy with you? Below are some flags to observe which may signify that monogamy is not for you and your partner.
1. They Have a History of Cheating
It’s so harmful to cheat. Even yet, most of the time, people don’t intentionally set out to hurt others when they cheat; instead, they may be filling an emotional need, processing trauma, or attempting to find their way in an unfamiliar social environment.
For instance, many spouse cheaters don’t want to end their marriages but instead like a more casual sex partner who isn’t also their life partner. This is both at the same time. Some dishonest people do so unwittingly rather than on purpose. Hence, monogamy might not be for them if they seek different and multiple sexual partners.
2. They Think You’re Not the Only One
Your partner may not be up for monogamy if he doesn’t believe that one partner alone can meet his wants, needs, and desires. This mindset may be healthy to some extent, but it can also indicate that your partner desires other partners.
Tips for Monogamous the LGBTQ+ Folks: How To Make Monogamy Work
1. Make Them One of Your Priorities
One of the aspects that distinguish monogamy from other relationships is exclusivity. You have the chance to focus and dedicate your love and attention to just one partner. Given that, you should ensure that you give them priority along with your other responsibilities and obligations in life.
2. Keep the Spark Alive
Monogamous couples eventually get bored with one another. Thus, it is important to continuously rekindle your romance and intimacy now and then. To keep things interesting in your relationship, you may try the following:
- Go on weekly dates where it’s just the two of you
- Spend 30 seconds a day staring into each other’s eyes
- Show physical affection by holding hands, snuggling, or hugging
- Explore more of your sexuality and intimacy
- Deliver to your partner’s love language
3. Bond With Other Couples Over Various Activities
It’s recommended that you and your partner seek out other monogamous couples to get out with.
The club is enjoyable, but you should think about other ways to spend time with each other, such as doing community service or joining an organization. Maintaining monogamy is less challenging when other couples are also committing.
4. Live and Let Live
Monogamy may be for you, but it is not always for everyone. There are still a handful of gay men who prefer casual dating, open relationships, and even serial monogamy (where one quickly jumps from one monogamous relationship to another). It’s a matter of preference, priority, and experience. Hence, don’t stigmatize gay communities who engage in these sexual and dating behaviors.
Don’t stigmatize visiting so-called “gay” establishments, such as queer clubs and bars, where people gather to speed, date, and flirt.
5. Open up a Little
This option is solely up to you and your partner. It might sound counterintuitive, but occasional and consensual flirting with a new partner can strengthen relationships.
Flirting can strengthen a monogamous relationship and reduce the likelihood that either partner will cheat. This is because you are given the freedom to do so, permitted by your original partner. Engage in some light flirting. Confer with other homosexual males and have a good time.
Difference Between Monogamy and Polygamy
It’s hardly surprising that people have varying opinions on what makes a healthy marriage and what kind of partner they should seek. There are two main types of marriage in the West: monogamy and polygamy.
As previously mentioned, monogamy is the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner. While the definition of polygamy is a marriage in which one member of any sex may have multiple partners at once. Many cultures today advocate monogamy and frown upon polygamy.
Monogamy vs. Polygamy: Which Is Better?
People commonly ask which between monogamy and polygamy is a better fit. Issues of morality and faithfulness frequently come up in discussions of these partnerships. In the end, there is no one correct answer because everyone has unique needs, especially when it comes to love and relationships.
However, monogamists typically find compatibility with monogamists, and polygamists often find compatibility with fellow polygamists.
Polygamy: Is It Just About Having Multiple Partners?
In contrast with the belief in Buddhism and Islam allow multiple partners in marriage. In Islam, men can take more than one wife to honor devoted women or to spread the religion.
For Buddhism, If Islam has a direct teaching about taking multiple wives, Buddhism doesn’t specify marriage rules. In fact, Chinese Emperors are allowed to take concubines for reproductive success and offspring survival to ensure the royal bloodline is kept.
The Sex Is Boring, What Now?
Having a constant sexual partner is excellent for mastering another person’s bodily pleasures and desires. However, regular sexual activity with a partner has the potential to grow monotonous after some time. Repeatedly carrying out the same sexual acts without changing anything about the process can make your sex life dull.
Without a doubt, sex will become routine in the framework of a committed monogamous partnership. In fact, you can expect it, and that’s fine. Honestly, that’s the norm by far. If we always do things the same way, we eventually become tired of them. Here, the key is to shake things up and experiment.
Below are some tips to keep your passion and desire burning within your exclusive relationship:
1. Act Out Sexual Fantasies
At some point, you’ve daydreamed about someone doing nasty to you. There’s no shame in that since sexual fantasies give us a break from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Learn about your partner’s secret and deepest desires and fantasies, and try to act them out.
2. Dressing Up for Seduction
Try something different for size. Don’t go to bed in the same old boring clothes night after night; spice things up by wearing something seductive and unexpected. Your companion will not only pay you more attention, but they will also be more sexually aroused.
Body suits are a staple when it comes to seduction. You can go for see-through and meshed textured styles to show just the right amount of skin. Smitizen offers high-quality silicone body suits that fit the average body size snugly.
3. Striptease for Your Lover
Looking to spice up the night with an unplanned adventure? Give your partner a strip show. Keep your plans a secret. Get a chair, force them to sit, put on some slow music, and start stripping. They will be shocked, aroused, and thrilled to see you in your nude glory.
Not that confident with your current body? Don’t let your insecurities get in the way of your sexy time. Get your dream body overnight by wearing a muscle suit. These suits comfortably fit the body like a second skin and display an illusion of a toned, muscular physique.
Smitizen has a line of muscle suits for any skin tone. Aside from muscle suits, other body suits cater to different body types (for when your partner prefers a dad body type). Pair these up with silicone penis pants, and you and your partner are guaranteed to have a steamy session.
4. Enjoy Porn Together
Watching porn together is a sure method to liven up your sex life. Some people can’t wrap their heads around the possibility that this could be good. Discovering your partner’s visual preferences and creating a game to reenact the porno can make for a memorable evening and a more exciting sexual life.
5. Live Out Your Favorite Movie Bed Scene
Act out your preferred sex sequence from a movie. Sure enough, a specific film or scene immediately sprang to mind for you. It may be the couple from “The Notebook,” Noah and Allie, or it could be someone or anything less well-known. Talk to your partner about how badly you want to replicate the scene. It will provide you both with an exciting new experience in the bedroom.
The Risks of Opening up a Monogamous Relationship
1. Addressing Resentment
This accumulation of animosity is a significant factor in why many couples struggle to be intimate after a certain number of years. They don’t know how to deal with the inevitable accumulation of hurt feelings in any relationship.
2. Lack of Sexual Validation
Gay men often claim that the best part of having sex with other people isn’t having sex with them but rather the sensation of being wanted. Thus, having sex with other people is one of the techniques to increase your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. This is one limitation you may encounter in monogamy, where you settle with having only one sexual partner.
3. Using envy and suspicion as weapons
Research conducted by psychologist Ashley Thompson shows that our expectations of monogamy for ourselves are significantly lower than those we have for our partners. We tend to be much more forgiving and understanding when justifying our actions than our partners.
Some argue that monogamous relationships are much less stable because people use jealousy, monitoring, and suspicion to hold their partners to this difficult standard.
It’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to be monogamous or polygamous. This is a personal decision that you must make on your own, regardless of the influence of others (such as societal norms or the advice of loved ones).
Relationship problems? Online counseling might help. No matter who you are or what you do for a living, you have the right to a sense of well-being and security in your present and future.