Sexual tension is one of the most mysterious feelings for gay guys and human beings in general. Whether single or in a relationship, sexual tension can sneak up on you anytime, resulting in awkward and uncomfortable interactions for all involved. Sexual tension is so perplexing because it can develop with a dear friend, relative, core worker, or with someone’s spouse, creating a minefield of emotions that can destroy relationships.
For a gay man, sexual tension can be an extremely rewarding or torturous experience. When it’s with the right man, sexual tension can be the most gratifying experience because it opens doors for a beautiful relationship. While you might not be able to control when and with whom you develop sexual tension, you can learn how to deal with it. In this article, we will discuss how to deal with sexual tension and give you ways to tell whether you are experiencing it.
How to deal with sexual tension for gay guys
Having sexual tension with a person can take you to the most incredible highs or the lowest lows, depending on how you handle it. If you like the person you are developing sexual tension with, the chemistry can feel like foreplay, which is essential in building a long-lasting relationship. On the other hand, having sexual tension with someone you don’t even like can be inconvenient and stressful. Regardless of whether you have a future with someone you share a sexual connection with, knowing how to handle sexual tension is an essential life-long skill. So, how exactly do you handle sexual tension?
Here are valuable tips to help you deal with sexual tension for gay guys:
· Talk about it
Are you always nervous every time a certain gay man passes by? Do you get a churning feeling in your tummy or go weak at the knees when a specific guy walks by? Worry not. You are exhibiting symptoms that every healthy male has experienced at one point or another. You are experiencing your first sexual tension with another human. While the awkward feeling might make you want to run and hide until you can exorcise everything you feel, please don’t. The best way to address sexual tension with a gay man is to talk to him. Can you imagine how gutted you would feel if you ran and he turned out to be your one true love? Even if you don’t subscribe to the Hallmark teachings of happily ever after, talking about it is the mature thing to do. So, what exactly should you talk about?
Talking might not be your strongest suit, but when you start smiling at a guy too much and dressing up to impress them, don’t you think it’s time to talk to them? Invite the guy you have been having sexual tension with for a drink or walk at the park. If he is gay, he probably already suspects what you want to talk about, so you can relax. If you want to explore whether your sexual tension can turn into something serious, lay your cards on the table. He might turn you down, but at least you won’t live with what ifs and should haves. If you don’t want to pursue a sexual relationship, talking can alleviate the sexual tension, allowing you to have a comfortable friendship.
· Allow yourself to become vulnerable
What’s the point of having sexual tension with someone if you are not ready to explore what it could be? Allow yourself to become vulnerable to the possibilities of love and all its goodness. Being vulnerable simply means having an open mind when exploring the sexual chemistry between you and the other party. For a gay man, showing emotions can be a challenging task. Sexual tension is one thing but opening yourself up to show someone your fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities is quite risky. What if you trust someone and they break your hurt or abuse your trust?
The best way to handle the anxiety that comes from the unknown is to evaluate the risks versus rewards. Ask yourself whether turning the sexual tension into someone serious will be worth it, whether you end together or they shred your heart.
· Surrender to the power of love
The world has become a better place for gay men in most parts of the world than before. Today, gay men can love and receive love without necessarily having to hide their love affair. Developing sexual tension can be the first step to receiving one of the greatest gifts you can have as a gay man, love. When you already have enough sexual tension to sustain a relationship, you can deal with any other romantic challenges that come your way. So, does that mean you should jump into a relationship with every Tom or Dick you develop sexual tension with? Certainly not!
Surrender to the power of love, but with a condition. Just because you have an intense sexual attraction to a particular man doesn’t mean you should have a relationship with him. Sexual tension is essential to a good relationship, but it’s not the only requirement. Fall in love with someone who respects you, shares your interests and has the same values.
· Set boundaries
Have you ever been attracted to someone that you shouldn’t? Strange as it sounds, you can be attracted to a guy your mind knows that you shouldn’t. Having sexual tension with someone doesn’t mean you should act on the attraction. You may not be able to control who you are attracted to, but you can control what you do with that attraction. Think about it. What will you do if you have sexual tension with your partner’s dad? Do you tell him about your feelings? Certainly not! Sometimes you have to set personal boundaries and boundaries between yourself and the person you have a sexual connection with.
If the person you share sexual tension with is involved with someone or morally wrong for you, take the initiative to set personal boundaries that removes you from the equation. Avoid flirty banter, casual touches, and spending too much alone time with him. Don’t become a cliché and succumb to harmful stereotypes that portray gay men as sexual beasts that can have sex with anything that moves.
· Talk to a therapist
Sexual tension can be unhealthy for gay guys and can ruin your life and your loved ones if left unchecked. When sexual tension goes against the rules of morality or legality, it’s time to get help. It’s never okay to direct your attention toward another man’s partner, minor, relative, or incapacitated person. Why your sexual curiosity turns into a monster terrorizing your loved ones, it’s time to get help before it’s too late. Failure to get mental help can result in job loss, animosity, broken families, ruined friendships, or you could end up in jail.
Talking to a therapist can help you manage the unwanted sexual feelings you might be having towards a forbidden person. The shame of what you might be feeling can affect your mental health, making you miserable because you feel guilty and ashamed. A therapist can help you overcome the shame, face the fear, and guide you on how to overcome unwanted sexual feelings.
· Don’t use the sexual tension against your partner
How you behave when you develop sexual tension with another person while in a relationship can break or make your relationship. Unless your partner has a jealousy fetish, using your chemistry with another guy is not okay. Don’t be the type of guy to weaponize your sexual tension with another man to drive your partner crazy with jealousy. If you know that your flirting, whispered jokes or spending time with another gay guy is bothering your partner, put a stop to it. Whether you are doing it to be a tease or intentionally hurt your partner, entertaining a third party will eventually drive a wedge in your relationship. If you want to pursue something with another man, break off your relationship so everyone walks away with their dignity intact.
What are the signs of sexual tensions among gay guys?
Is there a way to tell whether you are feeling sexual tension or deep friendship? Some gay friendships have so much love and history that it’s virtually impossible to know if the guys want to bone each other or act likes siblings.
So, how can you tell that you are developing sexual tension with someone?
Here are some signs to look out for:
- Charged eye contact with the same guy
- Having sexual dreams or hallucinating about a specific guy numerous times
- Butterflies in your stomach every time you talk or come across each other
- Unnecessary touches every time you are in the same room
Sexual tension is normal and can happen to you regardless of your relationship status. Depending on what stage you are in life and what you want, sexual tension can be a good thing or the worst thing that can happen to you. For reasons unknown to man, you can develop sexual tension with the most unfit humans, making it uncomfortable and awkward to maintain meaningful relationships.