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“A sex menu? Really, there’s a thing like that? Yes, there is!

Sex Menu: What’s Cooking tonight? A Dom and Sub Guide

Funny as it may seem, this is a common reaction when someone hears sex menu for the first time. You may be one of them or have overheard once, as the gay community has been discussing this hot topic recently.

In this article, we’ll look deeper into the details and process of creating a set menu. Who knows, maybe later tonight, you’ll be handing your sex partner the menu for cooking your best desires.

Sex Menu: The Basics

As our society gets more liberated, gay people become more confident talking about their sexual desires with friends and strangers, how they describe their partner being naked, or how they met a cute guy from a coffee shop and ended up in bed the following night.

These are proof that sex is no longer an odd topic to discuss. In fact, some gays are even proud to share their experiences.

Sex menu

This leads us to discuss sex menu gays want to level up their relationship with their new partner. The menu contains a list of sexual activities you and your partner want to try, whether it’s a BDSM play, kinks, fetishes, or other desires to try during sex acts and Dom/Sub foreplay.

You can also set a scoring system in your sex menu, and the tally depends per person on how he can accomplish per act. If you hear other gay mates refer to the sex menu as “desires list” or “sexual acts menu,” it’s okay; they’re the same terms.

Why Gay Men Create Sex Acts Menu?

Sex menu

More than reaching orgasm and sexual pleasure, a sex menu is there as a flexible guideline for gay couples and sexual partners to explore their preferences and improve their sex lives. Here are various reasons why gay men create sex menus:

Discover Your Wild Sexual Pleasure

Sex menu

Jotting down sexual activities from neck kissing and nipple playing down to sensual massages and anal sex accelerates your libido. It causes you to imagine the wildest stuff towards adding spice to bedroom scenes. And as you fill up the sex menu, you’re not only putting on paper a hot idea but also opening the possibilities of being sexually gratified.

Improve Communication

Suppose you talked to a guy from one of your social media accounts and offered you a drink or a date. It turned out you’re a match and started dating. As it progresses, you develop a sexual connection with him that urges you to be naughty.

But since you don’t want to mess things up, you have difficulty starting a conversation about sex. A sex menu might just be the reason to overcome this.


When making a sex menu, it’s as if you’re communicating with your partner about your preferences. You’re allowing each other to talk about sex without worrying about the shame of asking how he can reach orgasm in bed. When you’ve done it and shared your sex menus, it’ll be easier to communicate and explain each other’s feelings.

New Sex Acts to Try

Ever heard about ‘half and half’ or ‘full French parties?’ Get ready because if you partnered with a Dom or Sub who knows much sex stuff, you’d be hearing more than these.

Sex menu

You’ll never know how wild and aggressive or sweet and gentle your partner is when he hands you his sex menu. For all you know, that’s his sex life on the list! Expect to discover new acts and BDSM plays you can try in bed.

For A Safer and Healthier Sex Life

A Dom and Sub sex is more intense than traditional relationship sex. If you’ve heard about power exchange plays, such as spanking and flogging, these are all parts of a gay sex life.

safer healtier

By making a sex menu, you allow your partner to do the listed activities and avoid the hard limits. It enables you to enumerate your preferences and express your thoughts about some fetishes or kinks you’re against.

Letting each other know will be safer to play in bed. Remember, the sex menu should establish consent and manage boundaries for a healthier sex experience.

Things To Consider in Creating Sex Menus

In drafting your sex menu, you must consider designing your template or finding one online and modifying its contents. It doesn’t have to be highly organized with a full layout as long as you have your sexual activities categorized per column.

Before writing or typing anything in your menu, here are the things you first must know and do with your partner:

Sex Menu Contents

Normally, a sex menu consists of three columns in one table. Use the first column to enumerate all sex acts you can think of. Even if you’ve never done it before or have no plan to engage with it, just put everything there. Sky’s the limit, and do not worry about your partner’s take on anything you write.

In the second column, you’ll put your grade for each item you listed in the first. And the third one is provided for anything your partner needs to know about the act.

Generate A Scoring System

Sex menu

Numerical scoring is preferred over color schemes. You’ll use this to rate how much you like or don’t like every act. You can use an existing scoring system or create your own that best fits your preference. Ensure you reach an agreement on every scoring and the details it encompasses.

Here’s an example of scoring you can use:

1 – Hard limit. This means you don’t want to get involved in this sexual activity, no matter the circumstances. Not now, not ever.

2 – Soft limit. Give a grade of 2 if you don’t like doing this sex act now, but you’ll consider exploring once you reach a specific trust and intimacy level.

3 – We can do it, but let’s modify the play. For instance, you put oral sex with an orgasm in his mouth or raw anal sex. You’re into oral and anal, but no swallowing and with a condom because you don’t want to risk yourself from STIs.

4 – Definitely a must! It means you favor the act all the way through.

5 – Let’s add some dessert. You’re giving this point with an added play or toy to level up your sexual pleasure. Others prefer involving toys and costumes for roleplaying.

If you know how to level up your game on the act you listed, it’s a 5. SMITIZEN can also help you by offering our high-quality toy and costume products made with authentic silicone material. Visit our page to learn more about us.

Tips After Completing Your Sex Menu

Sex menu

When you’re done with your sex menu, it’s time to share it with your partner. You’ll have mixed reactions for sure, so here are some tips to help you with:

1. Do not overreact

You may see some sex activities in your partner’s menu that you won’t agree to do with him. It’s normal. The point of showing is to permit you to do it to him, but if you’re uncomfortable, let it be. One good way to handle scenarios like this is by scheduling your common time so you’re both present while viewing the sex menus.

So, when one has a question, he can directly start a conversation to clarify what’s on your list.

2. Let your curiosity play your mind.

Be curious about everything that’s written on your partner’s menu. The best way to do this is by imagining you’re having sex and doing what needs to be done. This way, you’ll understand what he saw in that play and why he enjoyed it much. Better yet, ask him right away but in a respectful manner.

3. Schedule a weekly revisit of your menu.

As you progress, you’ll want to revise or add to your list so you can experiment more in bed. You may have figured out other ways to elevate your sexual interests, so it’s best if you both agree to revisit your sex menu regularly. For instance, you may have given spanking a grade of 2 last month, but your mood says it’s a four now.

4. Be honest

If you’re having fun with your list and your partner’s, well and good. But if not, stop pretending you’re interested. Have a word with your man and be honest about what you feel. The point of doing the sex menu is to have fun and satisfy each other’s desires, so it’s essential not to lie to your man.

Sample Sex Menu

We’ve provided below a sample sex menu that you can follow.

Sex menu

Final Thoughts

A sex menu is an exciting and hot way to get to know your mate sexually. It makes you more open to broader sexual possibilities and explores your wild sides. If you propose this idea to your man, keep in mind everything we’ve discussed. Do not limit yourself from listing all sexual activities.

Be it a main course, dessert, or a filling to add some spice in bed, just keep them coming. Who knows – you may get your mate hooked. Then, maybe he’ll be the one cooking for you tomorrow night.