Are you looking for a relationship where monogamy is not a requirement? Consider exploring a polyamorous relationship where you can have romantic relationships with multiple partners. Polyamory is a unique dynamic that allows multiple people to have loving, intimate, and consensual sexual connections at the same time. Unlike an open relationship dynamic, polyamory focuses on building mutually satisfying relationships between multiple partners.
While polyamory has taken over the dating world, especially in the queer community, it’s not a new concept. Consensual, non-monogamous relationships have existed for thousands of years, but practicing members were unwilling to acknowledge this dynamic for fear of judgment, ridicule, or persecution from conservative societies. The practice of having multiple sexual playmates is fulfilling, more rewarding, and provides a number of benefits for those courageous enough to give it a shot. In this article, we will define what polyamory is and give useful tips to make a polyamorous relationship work.
What is polyamory?
Do you honestly believe humans were meant to have one soul mate who can fulfill all their desires? Can you have more than one soul mate? Human relationships are fascinating, more so when they break social norms that are put in place to police human emotions and desires. In particular, polyamory is one of the most rewarding relationships dynamic because it challenges human’s perception of morality, commitment, love, and intimacy. So what exactly is a polyamorous relationship?
Polyamory is a relationship dynamic where you can have more than one romantic partner simultaneously. The great thing about polyamory is that it allows you to manage as many relationships as you can without hiding because your partners know, understand, and accept this dynamic. While polyamory, in the broad sense of the term, means having multiple relationships at the same time, there are several polyamory dynamics you can try depending on what you want to gain from the relationships. If it’s your first time exploring a non-monogamous dynamic, start by researching the different types of polyamory that exist to find the best option.
The most common polyamory dynamics include the following:
· Independent or solo polyamory
Solo polyamory is perfect for single people that want to experience a polyamorous relationship. Solo polyamory refers to a non-monogamous dynamic for people without primary attachments. You can date multiple people independently without making it necessary to create a connection between your multiple lovers. Your lovers can know that you are seeing other men for sexual intimacy, but you can all decide to maintain independent lives that have nothing to do with your dynamic.
· Hierarchical polyamory
Polyamory is one of the most exciting ways to spice up your relationship. Hierarchical polyamory allows you to have a primary relationship with one partner while maintaining other secondary relationships that you dedicate less time and energy to in comparison to the primary dynamic. A hierarchical dynamic is perfect for a couple seeking to increase their sexual intimacy because it makes it possible for partners to have more sex with third parties without neglecting the needs of the primary partner.
· Egalitarian polyamory
If you are the jealous type or have OCD, an egalitarian polyamory dynamic is a perfect relationship for you. You can have as many romantic partners as you wish as long as you can dedicate enough time and attention to all of them without making anyone feel neglected. In an egalitarian relationship, every romantic partner is equal, have similar expectations, and is involved in making important choices involving the relationship.
Polyfidelity is a relationship dynamic involving three people. It is a polyamorous dynamic with strictly three partners that have agreed to have a relationship with each other at the same time. If you are in a polyfidelity, you can’t date outside the group because it’s considered cheating.
How polyamory relationships work
Have you ever wondered how polyamory relationships work? Compared to monogamous relationships, polyamory can seem demanding in terms of time and energy because you must cater to multiple partners’ sexual and emotional needs. While polyamory is demanding, it’s also a worthwhile and rewarding experience once you know how to make it work.
If you are curious about a polyamorous relationship and need help to make it work, you can use the following tips:
· Have clear intentions
What’s your objective for joining a polyamorous dynamic? Do you want to experience more sex with multiple partners? Are you looking for emotional intimacy from different people? Have a clear objective on why you want to join a polyamorous dynamic so you don’t end up feeling lost and unfulfilled in the relationship. Being honest with yourself helps you analyze your motives. You are able to gauge whether you want to join a polyamorous relationship because it’s something you really want or because it’s a sexy trend you are curious to try.
Having clear intentions also protects your romantic partners. Being in a polyamory doesn’t mean that your relationships are not serious, so being honest protects your partner from getting hurt. If you are not looking for something long-term, make it clear to your romantic partner to protect them from getting hurt in the long term.
· Communicate your needs
Open communication is one of the most important aspects of a polyamory relationship. You are in a relationship with multiple people who are also in relationships with others, so you must speak up when you want something. Whether you want more attention, more sex, emotional intimacy, or to spend more time with your multiple partners’, communicate your needs in a way that leaves no doubts about what you want. The biggest mistake you can make in a polyamory relationship is waiting for your partner to guess what you want or giving them a silent treatment when your needs are unmet.
Think about it. You are involved in multiple relationships with people with careers, tight schedules, families, friends, and other relationships. If you don’t communicate what you want, your needs might not be met, not because your partners are unwilling to give you what you want, but because they are unaware there is something you are missing.
· Manage your expectations
Polyamory doesn’t show you the meaning of life, male you cool, nor does it show you to be a man. Join a polyamory dynamic because you want to experience the joy of dating multiple people simultaneously, not because it’s something you want to cross off your list. Polyamory is a way of life, and you will be dealing with real people with real emotions, so don’t be the jerk that gives it a try just because it seems cool.
Polyamory is also not a way to hook up with your secret crush, hoping that once they know what you are made of, they will run away with you to forever land. Opening yourself up to a polyamory dynamic just to have a shot with a guy you are obsessed with is a recipe for tears. If he is in a primary relationship, there is a likelihood he is super happy and will never leave his partner for you. He might give you the attention and even love you, but you will end up miserable because polyamory is not ideal for you.
Manage your expectations by having a clear objective about what you want. Whether you are looking for more sex, variety in sex, or emotional intimacy from different partners, be honest about your needs and only pursue relationship dynamics that help you achieve your objectives.
· It’s okay to be jealous
Contrary to popular belief, people in polyamorous relationships get jealous. It’s normal to feel jealous when you see someone you love have an intimate relationship with other people. If you have jealous tendencies, they won’t disappear just because you are romancing multiple people. Sometimes you will want to monopolize your partner’s time because you hate the idea of them going out to have fun with other people or call them insistently just because you want them to talk to you and only you. The best way to handle jealousy in polyamory is to nip it in the bud when it rears its ugly head. The last thing you need is to go through life policing people’s needs, desires, time, and emotions because it messes up your mental well-being and ruins your relationships.
. Jealous as long as it’s healthy
You handle jealousy in a polyamorous relationship in the same way you would handle it in a monogamous relationship. Rather than letting your jealousy fester and hate or something equally unappealing, deal with it head-on. Be honest with your partner about your jealousy and what triggers it, and find ways to minimize it.
Polyamory has become a rising trend among queer people in the last few years. Gay men are willing to explore non-monogamous relationship dynamics such as polyamory to derive numerous benefits, including increased sexual and emotional intimacy. Whether it’s your first time exploring a polyamorous dynamic or you are a seasoned member, you can make your relationship work by communicating, having clear intentions, and managing your jealousy.