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In the queer community, the issue of whether someone is a top or bottom is frequently a hotly debated subject.

Understanding the power dynamics in top/bottom relationships can help people make informed decisions about their sexual relationships and sexual encounters, regardless of whether it’s a matter of sexual preference, sexual compatibility, or something else.


In this article, we will explore what it means to be at the top or bottom and the best position for first-time sexual encounters.

Top or bottom? Best position for first time


Within the queer community, gay men have the unique opportunity to explore their sexuality in ways that heterosexual relationships do not. In particular, gay men can explore the roles of “top” and “bottom” in a sexual relationship.

This exploration can involve many sexual acts, positions, and preferences that both partners enjoy. By understanding top and bottom power dynamics, gay men can better understand their sexual preferences and find compatible partners.

So, who is a top or a bottom in queer relationships? Let’s find out the deeper meaning of these frequently used terms.

A top


If you are a social media user following LGBTQ pages on Twitter or those comic gay pages on TikTok, then the terms top and bottom are not news to you. You may have read them in their stories or on other queer people’s bios who identify themselves as either a top or bottom.

A top is a queer man or queer woman who prefers to be in control during sex. Tops usually take an active role during sex by penetrating, either by penis or strap, during anal sex, giving oral sex, fingering, and any other activities during their sexual act.

Being a top doesn’t always refer to the mechanics of how you do sex because queer sex can take many forms. Instead, it describes a power dynamic where one person is in charge while the other takes the lead.

There is also a subsection of tops called stone tops. Have you ever heard of that? If not yet, we have the answers for you. A stone top is someone who exclusively enjoys “give” during queer sex. Typically, stone tops don’t desire any sexual activity in which their mate caresses them in return; they only give but do not receive.

A bottom


The word “bottom” is a label used to describe the receptive partner in penetrative sex. To simplify it, the bottom is the person who gets the penetration during sexual activity, and they often take the lead in directing the sexual encounter.

Bottoms always enjoy giving up control during sexual intercourse. But that doesn’t necessarily exclude bottoms from being assertive and active during sex. Just like in tops, bottoms also have a category called the Power bottom.

Power bottoms give directions or instructions to those topping them on how to make them feel maximum pleasure during queer sex.

Since power bottoms like to be pleased when having sex, specifically anal sex, they are always vocal and tease you in a very demeaning and playful manner when they are not enjoying it or when you do it the wrong way.

So, if your mate is a power-bottom, you must know how to satisfy him and make him enjoy your penis game.

While some bottoms may occasionally be amenable to topping, some bottoms prefer never to be the one performing oral sex or penetrating. Like stone tops, stone bottoms are strict with their boundaries when it comes to caressing their partners and prefer not to be the one performing oral sex or penetrating them.

In gay relationships, both top and bottom partners may engage in penetrative and receptive sexual acts. For example, a top may penetrate their partner with a penis or other objects, while the bottom is the receptive partner. This can also occur between lesbians, with one person penetrating the other with a strap-on or sex toy.

Best sexual position for first-time top and bottom

top or bottom

Now that you know who is at the top and bottom, choosing a suitable sex position that will be suitable for you and your spouse should never be a problem. You’ve probably watched gay porn from different porn sites and seen the different types of gay sex positions and wished to try one or two of them.

Even though some positions are similar to many heterosexual sex positions, gay couples also have a wide variety of sexual positions that they can explore. Whether it’s anal sex, oral sex, or other queer sexual acts, there are countless possibilities for pleasure and the power dynamic between two men.

Here are some of the top best sex positions for queer men and what makes them unique and special.


top or bottom

The missionary position is one of the most popular positions for any couple and is especially great for first-time gay guys. Similar to how they do it in heterosexual relationships, this position is great for intimacy. During the missionary position, the bottoms lie down on their back and spread their legs at an angle that will allow the top to penetrate them from the front.

It is the best sex position during sex because as you and your mate are face-to-face, it enables you to kiss, connect, and even have wild, dirty sex talk with your lover. It’s also suitable for those new to anal intercourse, as it allows the top person to go slowly and control the depth and speed of penetration.

For further satisfaction during missionary, use enough lubes, and also, you can also include neck kissing and nipple play. It will spice up your bed moment. Why not give it a try?


top or bottom spooning

If you are in a queer relationship and you wish to have fun and enjoy your sexual experience, spooning is a fantastic and very flexible position for you. In spooning, both partners lie side-by-side, facing in the same direction.

The partner in the back wraps his arms around the partner in the front, while the partner in the front can push back against the partner in the back. This allows for a level of intimacy and closeness that can be hard to find in other positions. It is also an excellent position for anal penetration, as the partner in the back can control the thrusting and speed.

Rusty trombone

rusty - top or bottom

You might be familiar with this sex position or have tried doing it with your partner. Many people love this position because it is an excellent way for couples to experience anal and oral stimulation or a rimming job simultaneously. Wow! That’s sweet!

When doing rusty trombone, your top partner will stand normally while his legs are apart, then you will approach him from the back and kneel and starts doing rimming. You can also use your free hands to give hand jobs to your top partner.

As this is a high-risk act that has the potential to spread dangerous infections, it is crucial to ensure your partner is clean before performing it.

Doggy style


A doggy-style sex position is a popular choice for queer guys. It offers an incredibly pleasurable experience for the bottom, providing an intimate connection with the partner and an intense sensation of fullness.

During this position, the bottom goes down on his four, with his behinds facing the top’s penis, who kneels behind him, ready to penetrate him anally.

The bottom will experience deep penetration, with the top controlling the speed and intensity of the thrusts. The bottom can also adjust their hips to find the angle and pressure that best suits them.

This position allows the bottom to take control of their pleasure and can also be used to experiment with a variety of sensations. The top can also enjoy the intense pleasure of thrusting deeply into their partner. The view of their partner’s body can be incredibly arousing and highly satisfying.

Scissors sex position


This position involves the two partners lying side-by-side on their sides, with the top partner’s legs crossed over the bottom partner’s. The top partner then grinds against the bottom partner, creating pleasurable friction. The position also allows for deeper penetration. It is also suitable for queer women.

The scissor sex position can be quite intimate, as it allows for face-to-face contact and excellent physical closeness. It can also be quite stimulating, as the grinding motion can create intense sensations. For those looking for a more adventurous sex position, the scissor sex position can be a superb choice.

However, for you to enjoy maximum satisfaction during any sexual act, may it be oral sex or anal sex with your partner, communication is essential. Talk to your companion and let him know what you like. It can be your favorite sexual position, how soft or rough you would like the sex to be, and what you dislike.

For safe sex, it is always advisable to use protection if you are not sure about your spouse’s HIV status.

Being gentle to your lover to avoid injuring him during anal sex, and you can also use enough lubes to reduce injuries that may occur during


The concept of top and bottom is an essential part of the queer community, particularly for gay men. By understanding the top and bottom power dynamics, the couple can better explore their sexual preferences and find compatible partners.

In addition, it is essential to remember that sexual preferences do not necessarily define a person’s identity or relationship and that each person should be allowed to explore their sexuality at their own pace.