LGBTQ+ breakups can be brutal, especially if you are the poor sucker that was dumped. One minute you are posting on social media about your ride or die, the father of your kids, and the love of your life, and the next, you are playing sad songs and stuffing your mouth with ice cream while Googling how to heal a broken heart. Whether your breakup was mutual, completely blindsided, or you did the dumping, cutting off romantic ties with someone is not easy.
Unfortunately, the gay community is pretty small and interconnected, so you may not be able to pretend your ex doesn’t exist. Unless you go to space, drift off to sea, or move to a desert, chances are you will interact with your exes at some point, which can be traumatizing if you haven’t moved on. In this article, we will discuss helpful tips to help you deal with an LGBT+ breakup.
How to survive an LGBTQ+ breakup
Can a person die from heartbreak? When going through a breakup, the pain might make you believe that you won’t see another sunrise or you will never be happy, but that’s not true. The pain you go through after a breakup can be brutal, but it lessens with time. Eventually, things will get better, and you will be ready to jump into the dating pool. So, how exactly do you deal with an LGBTQ+ breakup?
Here are simple tips to help you deal with a gay breakup:
● Accept the breakup
Your ex might be the hottest man on the planet, who treated you like you were made of gold and never forgot to feed your goldfish, but he is an ex for a reason. There is a reason he is an ex, so quit filling his voicemail with messages or going by his house to check if he is home. The pain might be too much, and you feel out of control, but don’t let your impulses make you do something stupid. Cry if you must, feel anger, throw things against the wall, shred his favorite pictures, but for god sake, don’t beg him to take you back.
It might take time to accept that your relationship with your ex is over, and that’s okay. Sometimes the greatest pain takes time to heal, so take your time. There are days you will wake up cursing them and others when you think holding them will make your day brighter. Eventually, the good days past a breakup will outweigh the bad ones until one day; they become a statistic from your past.
Sometimes a breakup can feel like death, which is understandable. A breakup means you have lost something significant, so take however long you want to grieve. Like death, there is no manual for grieving a relationship. If you want to grieve by sticking needles in your ex-boyfriend’s pictures, go for it. You can give by watching movies, listening to inspirational music, or reading self-help books.
You can cry, scream, or sit in silence while reflecting on your relationship with your sex. Whether the breakup was your fault or not, acknowledge the good and bad things that happened in the relationship, learn from them and work toward moving on. While grieving is personal, don’t let it isolate you from your loved ones. Isolating yourself after a breakup can lead to loneliness, anxiety, stress, and depression. You can grieve by doing activities that push you out of your comfort zone, like visiting a zoo, exploring a gay nightclub, or traveling. Getting out of the places you frequented with your ex will lessen the brow of the breakup, easing the process of getting over a breakup.
● Dont hit up your ex
When your fingers are itching to text or call your ex, chop off those little Judas ASAP. Okay, maybe cutting your fingers is a bit extreme, but is there a fitting punishment for such a betrayal? Unless you are drowning and your ex is the only person that can save you, never ever hit them up. You might think you are pulling James Bond-like moves going to the places your ex hangs out or sending him a wrong number text to see his reaction, but it’s pretty obvious what you are up to. You won’t get over your ex if you keep finding ways of talking to him or being in the same space. Even if you want to maintain a friendship with an ex, consider spending time apart to heal before you can build a friendship.
● Connect with new and old friends
Did you lose friends after a breakup? Are you having a hard time connecting with your friends because they were your ex’s friends first? Or maybe you have no friends because you poured everything into your relationship, so you have no one to spend time. Setting time to create new friends is one of the healthiest ways to deal with an LGBTQ+ breakup. Take part in community activities, volunteer to coach a local kid’s team, join a squad that takes regular trips, or whatever communal activity that lets you socialize with people. Don’t limit yourself to LBTQ+ friendships. Straight people also make great friends, so be open to socializing with people regardless of their sexual orientation.
Go out of your way to connect with old friends that you let go to concentrate on your relationship. If you neglected your friends because of your ex, acknowledge your missteps and apologize. Genuine friends will understand and forgive you. Spend a healthy amount of time and slowly rebuild your friendships.
● Find a hobby
The worst thing you can do after a breakup is to be idle. When you have too much time on your hands, you tend to make stupid decisions like stalking your ex-boyfriend online or calling him. Stay busy by finding interesting hobbies to occupy your time. Go to a pottery or painting class and pour your pain into your art. Don’t be afraid to be petty. If you feel like drawing your ex with devil horns or painting him with a tiny penis, go for it. Consider taking up knitting, although you should be getting over the crying fits and rage grieving stages to avoid injuring yourself.
If you are athletic, join a local team where you can spend your free time burning your breakup anger. If sports are not your thing, you can take up journaling or writing. Create a tearful sonnet to commemorate your sad romantic tale, write a poem, or let the experience inspire you to become a musician. If Franck Ocean did it, you could do it too. Do whatever makes you happy- within reason. Post-breakup is not the best time to entertain hobbies that involve sharp knives, guns, arrows, or swords. You want to get over a breakup, not end up in prison.
A good workout routine will make you look your best, protect your health, and keep your mind occupied. LBTQ+ breakups can mess up your self-esteem. Even if you are the hottest man in your town, being dumped will leave you questioning your worth, attractiveness, and intellect. Hitting the gym can give you a sense of purpose and improve your physical fitness. Rather than reminiscing about what could have been, wake up early, jog, kickbox, or train at the gym to escape the mental torture of going through a breakup. In addition to helping you look your best, working out protects your physical and mental health. If you exercise outdoors or in a gym, you can socialize and make new friends.
● Don’t jump into another relationship
Getting under someone to get over an ex only works in movies and in Utopia. Starting another relationship is one of the biggest mistakes you can make when going through a breakup. Not only are you putting a band-aid on your broken heart, but you are also pulling an innocent person into your mess. What’s the point of dating someone new when all you can think about is your sex? You will waste someone’s time and potentially ruin a future opportunity with an amazing person. Taking a breather from a relationship gives you the time to find your footing as an individual. Relearn what makes
Not jumping into another relationship doesn’t mean you should become celibate. You can have casual hookups where you seek sexual pleasure without building emotional intimacy. Ideally, start dating yourself before you dip your toes into the gay dating pool. Take yourself out for dates, plan a candle-lit dinner with your favourite movie, and buy treats when you need something to lift your bad moods.
● Party responsibly
A breakup doesn’t have to be followed by a period of gloom, sad vibes, and acting like life has no meaning. Partying is a great way to deal with an LBTQ+ breakup because it enables one to be around fun energy instead of spending time indoors being miserable. Invite your friends for a dinner party, become a regular at a drag show, or buy tickets to your favorite show.
Knowing how to deal with a breakup can save you from depression, heartache, and embarrassing decisions. As a gay man, different ways you can use to get over a breakup include talking to a therapist, partying, spending quality time with friends, or working out.